Κυριακή 9 Οκτωβρίου 2011

- Letter - From The Lost Days

A letter to my future self
"Am I still happy?" I began...
Have I grown up pretty?
Is dad still a good man?
Am I still friends with Coleene?
I'm sure that I'm still laughing...
Aren't I?
Aren't I?

Hey there to my future self

If you forget how to smile
I have this to tell you
Remember it once in a while

Ten years ago your past self

Prayed for your happiness
Please don't lose hope

Oh, oh what a pair - me and you

Put here to feel joy, not be blue
Sad times and bad times - see them through
Soon we will know if it's for real
What we both feel

Though I can't know for sure how things worked out for us
No matter how hard it gets you have to realise
We weren't put on this earth to suffer, and cry
We were made for being happy, so
Be happy
For me
For you
Please

Oh, oh what a pair - me and you

Put here to feel joy, not be blue
Sad times and bad times - see them through
Soon we will know if its for real: what we both feel

We were put here on this earth, put here to feel joy...

We were put here on this earth, put here to feel joy...
We were put here on this earth, put here to feel joy...
We were put here on this earth, put here to feel joy...


(-From Silent Hill 3 OST -)

Τρίτη 27 Σεπτεμβρίου 2011

Impractical and Awesome.

[A suffocating stench of herbs
Beneath the blue god of death
Beneath you insolent flowers bloom off-season
I'm in a gaudy waking nightmare
I become ordinary when even my sex appeal melts off]

...But it's all about perception is the end eh?


[Constantly checking my watch I keep inquiring about their mood]

....And I get lost and put to the "Recycle Bin" all the piled up mountain of my weird intentions.


[Until my brain dries up like a sea urchin and I throw myself down awaiting the night's curtain]

.....I actually hid myself there, but my eyes still say the truth if you look at them.

Make yourself beautiful for this


.....You ARE.


[Make me laugh by rising in the West and sinking into the East sometime.]


{Italis by hide's "Blue Sky Complex"}




Τετάρτη 6 Ιουλίου 2011

"We will show you the place where dreams and life become one"

( This is a bit out of place and unrelated to the blog's theme, but I just had to share it here as well.)



( Ok, this is a semi live report from the show, but in case someone starts saying "OMG LULZ this is not what a live report looks like" well it is because here I want to share my personal feelings and not exactly make a journalistic report. So bare with it ^^ )



From 10 am in the morning until 8pm I was standing together with approximetly 4000 X Japan fans outside Columbiahalle under the rain. My back and feet were on the verge of total destruction, my stomach was growling and the possibilty of catching pneumonia was reaching very high levels.


But my heart was pacing like crazy, and I bet everyone's was. The look on people's eyes was that of a human being just one step closer to grab his/her dream.


When the clock ticked 7pm, the doors opened and everybody was squeezed on the door in their attempt to get the best place possible in the arena. Through all the pushing and kicking and squeezing I finally managed to go though and reach the 2nd row ( there were two really shiorter girls than me in front so it was practically first row xD).


20 minutes passed until the lights suddlenly went down and the epic orchestral intro started playing. My eyes went wide open and I felt the music was reaching the biggest depths of my heart.


Then it happened.


Yoshiki appeared behind his drums, and everybody started screaming to the point I thought the apocalypse was coming. I couldn't blame them though. In the beginning, I thought I wasn't really experiencing this, and like a friend also said, I felt that maybe I'm watching a video. But no, Yoshiki was really standing there in flesh and blood.


Sugizo, Pata, Heath and finally Toshi appeared and after the infamous "Introducing X Japan, Japan, Japan..." ended, they started paying JADE. Everybody was screaming, pushing,and jumping up and down. And then there was the first hit.


This is X Japan, LIVE. In front of me. FOR REAL.


My eyes became watery and tears started running down my cheeks without even me realizing it. Every band member's aura and energy was peircing through me and I felt as if I was being injected with life force. When Rusty Nail and Silent Jealousy followed I was capturing each and every moment and essence of what I was watching.


I thought I was the only one who was really happy that they played Drain afterwards, but my thought was deleted when I was listening to the crowd singing the back up vocals of hide in his place. That moment made me smile with happiness and redemption.


And then there was the violin solo. Sugizo was playing and moving with such an elegance that could make one experience how it is to float in the sky without physically doing it. Yoshiki finally joined him with his piano, and they started playing Kurenai.


In born to be free, I could feel all the fans and the band's energy becoming one. This song is just so inspiring and makes one really feel alive.


But next was Yoshiki's drum and piano solo. At that point, I thought I was really watching something otherwordly. I just couldn't bring myself to catch up with his moves. He was overflowing with energy and passion. He also played the "Happy Birthday song" for a girl who had her birthday, told us how much he enjoyed eating curry wurst ( CURRY FUCKING WURST to be more exact xD ) his sad, happy and memorable experiences and how thankful he is towards us. I thought his throat would be completely destroyed because I can't count how many times he screamed "WE ARE X".


But the bottomline is that by watching him live, I am now 100% sure that he is the most inspiring person alive on earth. His self-sacrificing nature, his huge will to stick to his dream, his ability to move on and his incredible communication with his fans, was all incorporated in his aura and in one word he was just so damn radiant.


What followed though, was my own personal highlight of the show.


Toshi started singing "in the rain.." and what happened next was the classic karaoke between the fans and the band with those lyrics.


"In the rain, find the way"


And when they strated playing the song, something triggered in me. The lyrics of the song, their diversity, and all this sadness, pain, hope and melancholy that it holds within, made a voice in my head scream:



Let it go.



I saw my life during the past 3 years that I experienced so many emotions, betrayal, love, sadness, excitement, loss and pretty much everything running in front of my eyes as a trailer. And what was happening during those 3 minutes of this song was me being completely cleansed. Toshi's voice was singing inside my head, Yoshiki's drums were crushing the chains that kept inside all my misery, Sugizo's and Pata's guitars were triggering my new born motivation and Heath's bass was washing away all my anger.


But my tears did not include only all these. During I.V came the second hit.


hide was not on stage.


The realization of this fact completely crushed me for several seconds, before the words " In the rain...find the way" rang in my ears again, and I smiled with true happiness when Sugizo started playing hide's solo. HIDE was indeed there, all over the atmosphear, I could feel him, I could hear him, and I could sense him in the hearts of all these people around me together with X Japan's.


And here comes the part were the audience went crazy and will probably cause an erthquake in Germany. X!


That was the part were the lyrics english translation were miraculously poping up in my head and I felt at that right moment, that this event will be the evolvement of me. Never leaving my past from my heart, I will break every obstacle that comes in my way and all this energy that X Japan was filling me at that moment will make me move on.


Those three minutes I trully felt what was like to be alive and happy again. I will owe this gift to these people forever.


After the break that took place, Yoshiki appeared as if he spontaneously decided to play "Forever love" on piano and Toshi followed his action. This was also a very sweet and touching moment, because they had never played this song in any other concert of this tour.


And of course, "Endless Rain" followed, and I personally believe that 3/4 of the song were actually sang by the crowd. All X Japan members looked very moved by the audience's singing, and Yoshiki as always was playing the melody on the piano trying to match the crowd's tempo and rythm.


This concert closed with the second part of "Art of life". This song made my evolvement punctual. It was the point when I felt all the haunting memories finally leaving my head and heart, and my true soul awakening.


I can't exactly describe with words what this concert meant to me. And I can't thank X Japan enough. You are my saviors, my heroes, my inspiration, my cure and the keys to my future.


In approximetly 2 hours and 30 minutes my dreams and life did become one. You really lived up for that phrase. I thank you and love you deeply.



Random trivia:


1) Yoshiki stage dived two times on me!

2) Sugizo stared at me, pointed at me and waved at me. So glad he actually remembers me!

3) The crowd was just so damn awesome, that even HEATH was smiling and got of stage to the front to greet us!

4) Pata actually did some really extarvagant poses xD

5) Toshi was smiling too much sometimes xD

6) Someone retarted was farting all the time

7) The motherfucker behind me that was was hitting my head with his hand, got threated by a security guard. TAKE THAT BITCH.

8) Yoshiki's god damn eyeliner/shadow/whatever is still on my hands. Also he pulls people'd hair accidentally ( hopefully accidentally). But oh well he is a sweetheart, and gave us an amazing performance!!

9) My back and legs hurt like crazy

10 ) Before the concert, they was a playback of Aerosmith's "Love in an elevator" and Faith no more's " Falling to pieces". HELL YEAH.

11) I FUCKING LOVE X JAPAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Δευτέρα 20 Ιουνίου 2011

Remember that you are mortal.

Are you a fanatic when it comes to trying to go beyond the boundaries of mortality?


Our senses?Do you believe they are the chains of our soul?


Do you believe we should look even beyond science?


Do you believe that science sometimes prevent us to sense some things beyond the nature that humans usually perceive?


I do, certainly.


However,


I'm not gonna achieve that by mocking the ones under or above.


The more wisdom you gain, the better for you.


However, you will never be God.


And no matter how much you cultivate yourself, you have no right to judge.


Nothing's the same.


And before you even decide to judge, you could always try to go through the view of all sides and see how much you might lose yourself and beg for help once you see how each person experiences the world and how his/her world is comparing to others.


If you still want to judge, then prepared to be judged as well.


And as one really wise person said


"Those who shoot, must be prepared to get shot".

Τρίτη 10 Μαΐου 2011

Τετάρτη 6 Απριλίου 2011

Infinity

All I can say is that we will never be able to be sure about anything.

The moment we think that we have the universe figured out,

It slaps us in the face, and we have a realization for the worse or the better.

Whatever we do,

And no matter how much we deny it,

We are in love with people.

And the human being that will make us emotinally and spiritually connect to our other side,

Is our deepest and strongest ambition.

Παρασκευή 18 Μαρτίου 2011

Solitary Solidarity



"I do know that for the sympathy of one living being, I would make peace with all. I have love in me the likes of which you can scarcely imagine and rage the likes of which you would not believe. If I cannot satisfy the one, I will indulge the other."
-The Monster

Κυριακή 13 Μαρτίου 2011

Limit Break

It hurts my heart to watch you
But if I don't protect you you'll fall apart
We haven't met and yet
You are my drug
And I think I alone can take all of you


That girl's so pathetic it hurts my heart
Selling her beauty cheap in vain
If we could have met like this
A lot sooner
Maybe I wouldn't hurt you
Maybe I wouldn't make you cry

My heart hurts from looking at you
You look so lovely
As you collapse
I'm watching you from over here
So come on, please try to smile

Therapy, this is therapy, simple therapy

After me you'll become a different person
You can't help this sad and lonely flirtation
It's a nightmare but
That's just you and besides
It's all meaningless
Because you've been soiled

Take you any way you want
I'll do anything you desire
Take you any way you...
Well, what do you want me to do
Take you any way you want
In this deserted place
Take you any way you...
This way we'll shatter all boundaries

Therapy, this is therapy, my therapy

"I'm so lonely," you complain
Let's stay the two of us together and we'll smash our boundaries

I'm sure we would have both enjoyed it
Had you looked at me the entire time
I should have given you everything
It should have been all for you

Take you any way you want
You are my beloved "insecurity"
Take you any way you...
I won't let you go anymore
I'll imprison you
Forever
I'll be at your side
I have so much to tell you

Therapy, this is therapy, my therapy

Let's spend our time here
Just the two of us
Let's spend together
This precious time

Let's stay without counting the nights
That we have spent together
Let's both continue
This intensive therapy
...and so you will become my drug

Κυριακή 6 Μαρτίου 2011

Infatuation. But for how long?

When I obsess over something new, an idea, a situation, a person or a relationship (or anything really) I am mad about it.

I give it my all.


I drain it to the very possible end.


I can't think of anything else apart from THAT.


I almost experience it in my head as if it was "real".


But once an external source, apart from my own neurons, interferes it's as if the magic and its lifespan is gone.


Am I greedy? Or selfish? Or too easily bored?

Well, or maybe I just like stories with an open end THAT much.

Σάββατο 5 Μαρτίου 2011

The Key

"This is the place I lost

It is the place I found

The place I had neither seen

Nor been to

Again I have come here

To part with this place?

To discover it?"

(Chapter 9 "The Key", hide-
無言激 )


Παρασκευή 25 Φεβρουαρίου 2011

Fear and Love

In the Fall semester 2010, I had an interesting course.

During one of this course's classses, our teacher told us that based on someone's theory ( I don't remember the name, but it was based on interpersonal communication):

"Every type of Anger, comes from Fear. Always"

He gave us lots of examples, and I also gave it some thought. It is true. I also realized at that point that Fear is indeed one of the strongest emotions and driving forces of a human being.

However, the teacher followed another process later on. It was quite complicated and quite time consuming and I couldn't remember all of it, but I do remember the conclusion.

The main idea was that when one relationship ends (of any kind) and one feels sadness and then feels anger (which of course originates from fear) then thereare two very crucial paths that this person can choose; The path of the understanding the other person's position and "forgive" and the other of keeping the anger inside and blame the other eternally. According to him, if one chooses the first path, then this person will feel what "love" feels like.

On a personal level, I do agree with this (mostly at least) and I can also relate somehow.

However, the reason I mentioned the story and the theory above might seem to be a little bit irrelevant and quite selfish too. I can understand very well when the feeling of "love" occurs to me (because it is extremely rare too) and I am 100% sure when it happens.

The problems are all the other emotions or situations that one could say fall "under" the category of love. Crush, Infatuation, Obsession, In love, Care, Interest and many more. This could be a total contradiction or total confirmation of my previous topic "names". Because I can never differentiate those feelings when they happen to me, and I can never predict their average lifespan.

And now one can ask; Where exactly was fear relevant to all this?

Well, I've noticed and I've been told that I snap very easily.

Δευτέρα 21 Φεβρουαρίου 2011

Names

Recently, I got infatuated by a book I was reading. There were many things in this book that kept my interest, but at some point the main character mentioned a little something about the meaning of words, and how we use them to "name" a situation or a person.


This character was claiming that once we name something, let's say a relationship or a certain intense feeling, at that right moment it starts losing it's real meaning. He said that once you name it, it immidiately brings the "must do, and do nots" and far worse, certain expectations are risen. You tend to lose the spark and the excitement of the uncertain, of the nameless, of the unknown but enjoyable.


I partly find myself in agreement with this statement because I tend to get annoyed when people subconsciously force themselves to follow certain "rules" or simply patterns that these namings give them, However, this is when critical thinking comes on the surface and not only that.


Words and names sometimes can get you out of the darkness of uncertaintly. Instead of the loss of excitement, they can also intensify the emotions and also provide more motivation to do something about them, to upgrade them, to distort them, to destroy them, to pretty much do anything with them.


But once again, neither this nor the previous statement of the main charcter in the book holds an absolute truth. But that's what's so beautiful about it, don't you think?



"A place where the feast never ends
a moment when the music celebrates
and a time where darkness belongs to night's skies and
nothing else!"

(Archive-Nothing Else)

Τετάρτη 16 Φεβρουαρίου 2011

Recycling

Do we evolve?

Or do we regenerate?

or maybe we become "damaged"?

rot?

refresh?

change?

Or stay the same?

there was no way at that short time
that I would find a meaning
only brightness
running through yesterday

it's like a merry-go-round going round
going round forgetting pain
I go ahead
still not knowing where to go

if you let me compare
the bright fragrance of a mature fruit
will quietly fade after colouring a season

ivy will intertwine
body will rot away
the piece of memory will return to the soil
and a flower will grow again

like a merry-go-round & round
I'll see you again in the spring

(hide-Hurry go round)

Σάββατο 12 Φεβρουαρίου 2011

Going backwards, but towards something new

The process of "reverse" is something that distorts the original and the "normal" state.

It is something that can be considered wrong, or broken, perhaps even meaningless by some.

But only through the reverse function one can notice the difference, the detail, and perhaps an outstanding innovation.

If we name this an intrapersonal process, it's the path towards a discovery of an identity.

We go backwards and we look blurry and lost to the others, but to us it's the process of removing the blurry spots.


This is going to be the basic method that I will use on certain issues here.

For the sake of testing this

First entry, just to see how this works.